New Doctor

Me: We are going to the new doctor today.

Sam: What’s his name?

Me: Her name.

Sam: Ah, it’s a lady again?!?

Me: Yes.

Sam: Why?

Me: Because most of the time I like girl doctors instead of boys. Do you not like girl doctors?

Sam: No, it’s fine. I will go until I am 16.

Me: Why 16?

Sam: Cause I don’t want her to see my big balls.


On Sex

Saturday I am cleaning up from breakfast and the kids are outside playing. Andy comes in the house and lifts his shirt up and shows me something on his chest. With a black Sharpie marker, someone has written the words On Sex.

I race outside and yell, “Who wrote on Andy?…who did it…?”

Sam appears with the marker in his hand and writing on his body and says, “I did.”

“Why would you write that,” I yelled. “What would make you write that on him?!? Do you know what you wrote? Why would you write that?!?!”

He looked at me like I was crazy. “Sam, what does that say?”

“It says Yes No,” he said.

“Oh,” I said. “Okay……well, you wrote it backwards…. and…. don’t write on your bodies with Sharpies.”

Here it is four days later


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